454 grams


454 grams. Before the 1976 amendment to the Weights and Measures Act, 454 grams was referred to as “one pound” in Canada. There are a lot of things that are sold in preset measures of 454 grams, like Arm and Hammer baking soda, dry pasta, frozen shrimp, beans, coffee, and pancake mix. There’s plenty more in the US, but the Americans haven’t really adopted metrication. “Pound” however is still in common though unofficial use as a measure of weight north of the 49th parallel.

For the sake of this post, just keep in mind that 454 grams = 1 pound.

During this time he is staying away from proto-school, the Micro-Dragon has been messing around with things about the domicile as he continues to explore the home environment to identify things to entertain himself with. One item is the electronic scale the pater picked up on one of his last visits to the Orange People prior to their assimilation by the Green People. Since the scale was purchased in the US (because the same items available up north are cheaper there), it spits out values in United States customary units (that would be “pounds”) by default though it can be set to provide Metric measurements. Liam Wallace likes it and has learned how to activate the scale and move through the options menu. He’s attracted to the bright blue LCD display and the fact that the scale beeps as he cycles through the menu, but the interesting thing is that he is now large enough for the scale to sense it is being stepped on and generate a weight measure.

The parentals know he’s getting bigger because he outgrows clothes and shoes and can now reach for things on table- and countertops, but those kid percentile growth curves have a weight component in addition to linear measures. We can sort-of measure height and cranial circumference, but have never had a good opportunity to weigh him except when he goes for his pediatric assessments.

So recently, he tripped the scale and it suggested that Liam Wallace weighs 23 pounds. Wow – that’s larger than the large bag of rice. It’s actually the same amount of mass that the pater lost earlier in the year after Liam Wallace successfully passaged the first upper respiratory infection he contracted and passed the extra-virulent form onto the parentals. All good – the child is eating well and growing, and the pater needed to lose some excess jello anyway (though not having to cough out a lung while losing the weight would have been nice).

Then Liam Wallace pooped.

While he was at proto-school, the pater would strongly encourage the Micro-D to maintain a very routine and frequent “voiding” from Mondays through Fridays because the proto-school staff would deal with the changes during the weekdays, leaving only the weekends where the Mom could be convinced to handle any inadvertent thunderpoopies. Ah, such was the good life.

But wait! Didn’t we mention here and in previous posts that the Micro-Dragon is currently staying away from proto-school to avoid the ongoing wave of contamination? Why yes we did, meaning that the pater now faces those horrors and has been frequently observed through the windows running up and down screaming “crap! crap! crap!” in the noun, verb and adjective senses of the word.


Hopefully not, though a possibility.

The pater used to work in gastroenterology, but that was more in an arms-length let’s look at the printouts of the laboratory results run a few weeks ago kind of environment rather than the in-person horrors scenario currently being experienced in real time.

What was particularly horrifying in this recent episode of horrors was not that the Micro-D pooped, but that he pooped twice in under 24 hours (brr…). And what does this have to do with the scale? Before the second unanticipated horror, Liam Wallace was playing with the scale and tipped it at 23 pounds as he had previously. After the horrors, he went back to play with the scale, but this time the reading was 22 pounds.

22 pounds. Not 23 pounds, 22 pounds. A difference of one pound. 454 grams.

We have already described how one of his earlier epics resulted in an extinction event, but Ye gads! how can a 16 month old produce more than four percent of his overall mass in less than 24 hours?

Definitely chilling and the pater is having an Apocalypse Now moment. Unfortunately, it seems that he has likely brought more thunderpoopies upon himself, at least in the short term as today’s selection for Liam Wallace’s lunch was lentil chili.

Lentil chili! Slap hand to forehead now.



  1. Last Day - liamwallaceshaw.com - August 26, 2017

    […] darker, and he’s way, way taller, and he learned to walk and he stopped outputting horrors. He also got a chance to ride ponies, drive this little car around, learned to paint, and even made […]

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